It just struck me that the way I got over my imposter complex for large lectures was moving beyond thinking of the lecture scene as a performance that I was scripting and rehearsing and thinking of it more like an exam or interview that I prep for. Maybe I don’t know everything about, say, privacy laws, but in the lead up to the lecture anything I am foggy about I read up on, and cram in there. I also practice, which I’m finding is key for repeating a class because even if I knew all this the first time around, there are things that I have forgotten, or aren’t at the tip of my tongue. Then the lecture just becomes the last little piece of a long process, you just talk about what you know, and by then you know you know it, so it is easy. Even if the tech fails, or something else comes up, or students just refuse to engage that day, that is okay, because the exact same lecture another year might go great.
It’s about training. Even a seasoned runner is not able to run a marathon effectively starting from nothing, they train in the lead up. It’s a process of constantly becoming the marathon runner.
Maybe that will be the pedagogical book I write—one about teaching, overcoming the imposter complex and working with different levels of class: In the Run Up: University Teaching as Process (or something….)